Nihilistic Joy: Juvenilia by Ken Chen

Death and its inevitability, the vicissitudes of love, adapting to the American culture, and the aliveness of dead ancestors are themes throughout this collection. These concerns are engendered in childhood and their persistence underpins an ongoing dialectic between the adult and the child. All these themes are present in “At Taipei station, I saw this city undress!”: the dead grandfather “manages to crawl into / a glass jar that we slide into a birch box.” The undertaker remarks, “This is only what will happen to everyone,” and the poet warns, “Adjust your eyes to the unlit room.” The portent of death and the pain or mourning appears in the form of “Graffiti… Who kill my soul?” in which the grammatical transgression reflects challenges of literacy in their new country, the U.S.A.

Death and its inevitability, the vicissitudes of love, adapting to US culture, and the aliveness of dead ancestors are themes throughout this collection. These concerns are engendered in childhood and their persistence underpins an ongoing dialectic between the adult and the child.

In “There are two types of trees in winter,” the legacy a family elder leaves the family before and after death is difficult for family members to deal with. It is “as if merely by existing, we erect a history of regret ready to be lived ahead of us.” While the poet’s father is “on the phone with his girlfriend” and suffering from ailments “[w]e never talked about,” the unspoken family, ill at ease, seems to be expressing itself via the poet’s skin, in the form of an “ineffable pox across my arms and torso.” “Taipei novel” appears to be about the meeting of the poet’s father and his lover. A woman who has “cheated on her husband” is physically but not morally attractive, being “lonely and perfect, if we do not count her self.” The glorified individualism of the US is also unattractive to the immigrant lovers, whose “hatred for Top Gun was commensurate with their hatred of humidity.” In contrast, the woman admires the man’s “humourless joy and his earnestness”, and when she “touched his knee… they both felt guilty.” Away from her, the father lives in regret, as the poetry contains a vivid, tactile image:

When I am alone, I feel pentinent, my heart damp like cold metal

This line recalls the autopsy in “At Taipei station, I saw this city undress!” during which “they have some problems stripping the veins from [grandfather’s] chest.”

Juvenilia presents an unsentimental view of childhood. In “The Mansions of the Moon,” the poet-child sees adults “together, growing alone”; in “Yes, No, Yes, The Future, Gone, Happy, Yes, No, Yes, Cut, You” the poet’s sense of humour as seen in the title dwindles at the line “You are so good at being happy,” pointing to the sadness that can underlie joy, and at the ruthlessness that can underlie communications with those we love. The poet asks, “Are questions like relationships?” and the answer:

One can use a question mark for many things. For example: as a
sickle for cutting people’s hearts off.

— p. 34

Finally, the poet turns to sarcasm to comment on family elders who, despite their life experience, have disillusioned those who are supposed to esteem them.

The earth is a millstone that sharpens us into saint

— p. 58

Disillusionment leads to nihilism, as when his parents separated and denied all promise of reunion:

Since the separation was irrevocable, the enemy was hope.

Which left him with a nihilistic joy.

— p. 57

In “The Invisible Memoir,” the narrator seems to find some peace in nostalgia for his “Uncle’s house — the happiest time of my life,” just when all seems lost:

My gold sword sunk into the ground.
My spirit lost among the long weeds.
Then in the cool night. Then in the quiet sky. Then the moon
blossoming open.
My mind goes back to those old hallways, but now only
the light glows hollow on the waters of Ch’in-huai.

— p. 65

The poet’s mother is “homesick,” the family no longer understands the Chinese language, which is like a “white space” in the mind. The exiled person is like a headless body. We are told that “decapitation” carries a “great sorrow” because after death “the body will appear in the realms below without a head.” Memory can be cruel when the longing for and absence from one’s country of birth is revived: “I had forgotten about all of this — my self, this exile.” One needs to look away from the pain, and in this mood the poet reaches to the lyrical traditions of Tang verse, particularly to Li Lu, the “inventor of the confessional voice in Chinese lyric poetry.” In his contemporary conceit, however, there exists a background of poisoned beauty, as suggested in “the smog moist over weeping willows,”and of inevitability, as in “This is the sorrow of leaving no other taste in my heart.” In pathos, the poet reaches for his optimism, for a moment of happiness as he contemplates his place in the universe:

Again in pleasure.
I am starting to think — that when the sun
is setting and you are resting alone, it’s better not
to look south to those streams and hills. Leaving
them was easy — but going back last night
was hard. The waters flowing away. The flowers
breaking the ground. Spring has also left.
That heaven, this earth.

— p. 69

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