贫乏 / Deficiency

Chinese

我用劲时太性急,不经意间又陷入无聊; / 是什么仇敌总在追赶着我? / 我的生命,为何这样贫乏?
我生于文革的中途,根苦而浅; / 成长于学习恨,辩证法或强迫, / 从乡间土路的石头 / 了解世界的物质性, / 赤脚走过夏秋,冬春缩在旧袄的壳里。
我追赶村里跛脚的电影放映员, / 讲故事的轮子耸起时,扇形光 / 超越了灰尘飞蛾; / 斗争的幻象在黑压压的人头上涌动, / 他们不知道自己是奴隶。
少年时代唯一的乐趣——用弹弓射鸟 / 或许受“除四害”影响,鸟尸的余温 / 当我会流泪后开始烫手,如今的我, / 不敢杀鸡、看血—— / 但是心哪,在计算历史的方向时仍然那么狠!
……不惜牺牲,用蛮力坚持生活, / 如果我垮下来,你是否愿接住我?

English Translation

When I try too hard, I slip into boredom.
What hateful enemy hounds me?
Why is my life so deficient?

Born in the Cultural Revolution, my bitter roots run shallow.
I grew up on hatred, dialectics, subjugation.
Rocky dirt roads in the countryside
taught me the palpable world.
Barefoot summer and winter, autumn and spring,
I curled in the husk of my old coat.

I chased after the village’s limping projectionist.
As his reels spun out the story, the beam’s fan
cut through dust and moths,
and sham battles surged over a sea of dark heads.
They didn’t know they were slaves.

Boyhood’s only fun — shooting birds with a slingshot
in the “Four Pests” campaign. If there were tears,
the still warm sparrows
burned in my hand. These days
I dare not kill a chicken or look at blood —
how cruel when the heart tallies the past!

I’d give anything to live my own life.
If I collapse, will you catch me?

Printed from Cerise Press: http://www.cerisepress.com

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